Why I'm on the fence over watching 50 Shades of Grey

First off, let me be totally honest. (Which, btw, I always am.)

I read all three books in the series. In one week. While I was on our 15 year wedding anniversary trip to Jamaica.

There were parts I enjoyed.

There were parts I did not enjoy.


And, I've read books with more sex in them than 50 shades had. (Yes. Really. There are books out there that are far worse. Far more descriptive. Far more disgusting. I know it's hard to believe, but 50SOG is NOT the first book with erotic scenes involved.)

I'm not always comfortable reading sex scenes, I'd just as soon a story read, "And he carried her off to the bedroom..." and the rest was left up to my imagination.

But, the fact remains, it is a book about a sexual relationship between an unmarried man and woman. The male happens to believe he can only live as a dominate, while the female believes he is capable of love.


So, classic love story, right? Well, maybe not so classic in the sense of what his lifestyle entails. And this is where people begin to throw the "porn" label around.


Honestly, I do not watch porn. I don't see the point in it, but it is a 10-14 billion dollar industry, (Forbes magazine) so, obviously it is a money maker for someone out there and a very profitable one at that. I understand, sex sells. It sells movies, books, magazines, and pretty much everything. Commercials have been using sex appeal to sell products such as: clothing, cars, Old Spice, Perrier water, Dentyne Ice gum, Carl's Junior burgers and the list goes on an on, you get the picture. It does not appeal to me though. I did not read 50SOG for the sex scenes. (Actually I skimmed most of them) However, romance novels appeal to me. What can I say, I'm a sucker for a happy ending, knight in shining armor, or billionaire gets the girl. Either way, the story appealed to me.


While reading 50SOG, I found myself drawn to Anastasia. Here we have a just graduated college student, virgin, who has not necessarily been saving herself for marriage, but hasn't happened upon the right guy. As a Christian I have to admit I am disappointed when a character is not so concerned with morals, unfortunately there aren't mounds of popular books where the female character is concerned about her virtue. Although I have read some. And, there are definitely not many books to read where the male character is "saving himself" for the wedding bed. In society, for some reason men get a pass on this. I doubt God feels the same. And, speaking of God, He let us know in Genesis 2:24 "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh."


Back to Ana. She is a young adult who is seriously lost. (I'd like to think I wasn't that lost at 22) She doesn't know what she wants from life. She hasn't even been looking for a job for post graduation. She is the perfect target for Christian. And I say target because that's precisely what he thinks of his next submissive. In his lifestyle, he looks for a submissive by gauging if he could control a person or not. I know, this is where some major red flags for the feminist community come in. I've read a huge majority of the articles on this "red-flag" and I can even see the point in some, but, I somewhat defend the lifestyle because it IS a lifestyle for some people. And regardless of what feminist think, it can be a healthy lifestyle. So, to say things like "Why should a woman be controlled?" "Are we back in the 19th century?" or "Great, now women are taking a step backward instead of forward toward a future of freedom from oppression." I disagree with all of those comments because, like I said, some people "live" this lifestyle.


Okay, I have to let you know about my naiveness here. Until reading 50SOG, and at 35 years of age, I had no idea that BDSM (Bondage dominance/or discipline submission masochism) was a real thing. Obviously I was in the dark, even though I had read some books where there was some of that kind of thing going on, however in all of those stories it was frowned upon. Like it was a disease or something. Kind of like how Russell Brand says he is a sex addict. But then I researched it, and found out there is an entire, I'll call it, culture out there where they practice this stuff. Okay, if I was uncomfortable with porn or Playboy magazines, then BDSM is definitely not my thing. If it's yours, so be it, I am not your judge or jury.


So I told you a bit about Ana, so, here is the background story on Christian. He is this totally messed up billionaire. Christian has believed from a very young age that he is damaged goods. Incapable of loving someone. BDSM is the ONLY relationship he knows how to have. His words to describe himself are: "Fifty shades of f****d up." His mother was a prostitute. She did drugs and was strung out for most of the four years he spent with her. She committed suicide and he spent four days with her dead corpse, walking around in her blood and starving because he couldn't find food to eat. So, he is emotionally damaged. He is introduced into the submissive lifestyle, as a young teenager, by an adult "trusted" family friend. His adoptive parents have no clue. So, he is physically damaged. And because of the two, he is mentally damaged. This is so typical of many real stories that go on in the world. Abuse is real. Especially sexual abuse in adolescents. 1 in 5 girls and 1 in 20 boys. And those are just the numbers reported. It is estimated that only 20 percent of cases are actually reported. Yikes!(victimsofcrime.org) So, for me, this book isn't about sex because the BDSM lifestyle Christian leads is just a coping mechanism for a damaged man who feels out of control and wants to protect himself from pain by being in control of all things. Women included.


The difference in Christian being the submissive for his adult lady friend and Christian being the Dominant of many (the book reports 12 before Ana) is that he was a young teen when he was subjected to the lifestyle and therefore could not comprehend the difference between the attention he craved (and was getting) and what abuse was. Therefore he fell into the sexual abuse trap. Since he became the dominate, he did not take a submissive without consent and definitely not one under age. Regardless of what the reviews say, I did not read where Ana says no. She does tell him that she doesn't want to have sex because she is sweaty and disgusting from a workout, but she changes her mind. She is embarrassed over her presumed stinkiness and he assures her that she does not smell. I can't see where this is so uncommon with people in this world today, myself included. So, the so-called "rape" is completely taken out of context.


So, why would I even like this story, you ask?

Well, the part of the story I'm drawn to is the part where Ana changes Christian. Ana is his knight in shining armor. She teaches him how to love. And how to be loved. She shows him that he is worthy of love and that his family (his adoptive family, has been waiting years to show him love). Is this not the same as what we try to do for our fellow human beings on a daily basis? I don't know about you, but if I know someone who is struggling with things in their life, I try to help them to the best within the capabilities I've been given. Now, I wouldn't help them out sexually, but I'd refer them to someone of a profession (think a counselor or addiction therapist, not prostitute) that could be of assistance.


I know, most will say this is a huge stretch for this book/movie, but I am not most people. I have the ability to read into the underlying story and comprehend it without it effecting me. Just like when I read 'The Kite Runner' I didn't feel the need to rape anyone, when I read 50SOG I didn't feel the need to beat my husband with whips and tie him up.


Several critics say that the story glorifies abusive relationships. I'm not going to deny that whatsoever. In the beginning, nearly every interaction between Ana and Christian was emotionally abusive in nature. He stalked her. Isolated her from her friends. Showed up at her part time job (she didn't even tell him she had a job, let alone where she worked). Intimidated her. He sold her beloved car and bought her a brand spanking (pun intended) new one. For which she was furious. But, you have to know, this is all prior to Ana really getting to know him and pushing him to change. She holds her own against him. She moves him. These traits he has in the beginning slowly go away as she challenges Christian to be a better, different person. And he accepts. In the beginning without even realizing it. By the time he catches on, he is already going down her path with her hand-in-hand. Willingly. Lovingly. How boring would this story be if it started out with Christian already a changed man? What would the point of that be? Obviously he has to be "messed" up in the beginning in order for the rest of the story to take place. Duh! 


So, question: after all of the above thoughts from me, do I think people should read 50SOG? My answer is no. Not unless you are capable of seeing it for the somewhat beautiful butterfly metamorphosis that it is. Not unless you can read intimidate details of the submissive lifestyle. Not unless you enjoy a good love story where, surprise, there are forces of nature trying to keep the two main characters apart. And by forces of nature, I also include the main characters as they try to destroy the very relationship they are building. And, definitely shouldn't be read by teens.

As for the movie, like my title says, "I'm on the fence over watching 50 Shades of Grey," I'm pretty sure my answer will forever be no, I do not wish to see the movie version. I read a review before the movie was released that said 1/5th of the movie is comprised of sex scenes. I have no desire to see that. I can not imagine the director capturing the things I liked about the book and effectively putting them into the movie. As I said above, sex sells. I can only imagine the movie is going to capture a lot of submissiveness and less metamorphosis.

Am I going to judge anyone for watching the movie? Well, no. Just like being honest, I try my hardest to not be judgmental. Who would that benefit? 

One more thing. As a Christian I'm sure most people are going to ridicule me for reading it in the first place. I agree. It is not a Godly book. It does not glorify God in any way. This is something I am not proud of about myself. I'm also not proud of anything I do myself. Thankfully my God is a forgiving God. 

In the end, make your own choices about watching it or not. As, I've made mine.



Adios Muchachas,

Mel

The Five Categories of Migraines

I suffer from live with migraines. Migraines are not to be confused with a really bad headache. Migraines are migraines. There's no defining them any other way.



I have come up with a sort of scale system to categorize my migraines. I call it MC1-MC5. It is short hand for Migraine Category 1 through Migraine Category 5. Think Hurricane categories. Because, we all know, a migraine can feel a bit like being hit by a hurricane.



Before getting into the categories, I have to explain the difference between a headache and a migraine. With my migraines, I have a few "tells" that let me know one is developing. With a headache there are none of the "tells" just a headache. And, just a headache responds to OTC medicine.



So, what is a "tell"? I have many as I'm sure most migraine sufferers do. Here I'll list some of mine, and the one that I don't experience. A sharp pain in the hinge of my jar, a tingling under my scalp in the "headband" area, pressure behind the eye socket (usually only one eye socket is effected), pressure between my eyes; as in the bridge of my nose area and sharp pains in and around my cheek bones.



And then there's the aura that people talk about. I do not get the aura. The best way to describe this is to call it a vision distortion. Sometimes people can see wavy lights in their peripheral vision. From what I've read, within thirty minutes of the aura, the migraine begins. This is listed as the most common "tell" of an oncoming migraine. I'm not sure why I don't experience this "tell", but I've been told my migraines are unusual and they also don't respond to migraine medicines. I know, I'm obviously, medically weird. As expected.



So, that being said, I can get into the categories now and you'll understand what I'm talking about when I say "tell".



Let's start from the least severe and work our way up.



MC1:
This is when you have a tell going on and then shortly after your head starts to throb. You've tried OTC medicine and it will not alleviate it. You move on to prescription migraine medicine and with one dose it goes away. It helps to drink lots of water. Generally you can continue your day without the effects of the migraine interfering. The difference between a MC1 and a regular headache is the tell being present and the medicine used to alleviate it.



MC2:
You've had a tell, your head is throbbing, OTC medicine is not working and neither is the first dose of prescription medicine. You can somewhat function in your job, or the world, but it's starting to effect you. Some effects are trouble concentrating and blurred vision. A second dose of Rx meds helps, but not make it completely go away. Eventually you make it through the day and can go to bed to "sleep" it off. Generally you wake the next day without a migraine or any headache.



MC3:
All of the above for MC1 and MC2 happen, but no amount of medicine is alleviating your pain. You can't function well at work or in your daily activities. You need a dark room, absolute silence and a cool rag splashed with lavender or peppermint. An MC3 will be accompanied by trouble concentrating, slightly slurred speech, nausea and blurred vision. Sometimes to the point of not being able of driving safely. Your head feels too heavy for your own shoulders and you can feel the veins pulsating through your scalp. Sleep is the only answer. Sometimes you wake the next day with a slight headache, but OTC meds will work to alleviate the headache.



MC4:
The main difference between MC4 and MC3 is the vomiting that occurs with MC4. The nausea that you felt with the MC3 is intensified and actually makes you physically sick. The pain is so intense that the only way to alleviate it is by vomiting. No amount of meds are helpful. Water, dark rooms, silence or sleep will not help put off the inevitable; puking your guts out until there's nothing left. After heaving your stomach contents, you have less pain, but it is still there and you have an immediate reflex to sleep. And sleep now! I have actually fallen asleep beside the toilet before. No joke. Upon waking the next day there is usually a headache remaining but it is not anywhere near as intense. It's usually about a MC1. Water is your best friend. And food, because your stomach is empty.



MC5:
And, that brings us up to a MC5. The mother of all migraines. This is the one you never want to come to town. MC5 is the MC4 plus you end up in the Emergency Room. The reason you end up in the ER is simple, dehydration and pain. It takes an IV bag (or two) and a shot of Demerol to end this type of migraine. Earlier on in my migraine life I visited the ER on a regular basis, even once when I was out of town, but since then I have figured out ways to keep from suffering from the MC5. The main way to stay out of the ER is by drinking lots of water. When the first tell begins, before you ever feel your capillaries pulsating, drink water. Don't chug it, just take a sip here, a sip there and so on. I've found that room temperature water goes down the best when you are starting to feel the effects of a migraine coming on. I don't know why, but it's just something that works. The day after a MC5 you will definitely have a migraine hangover. I've had one last for five days and had to take strong prescription pain medicine such as Vicodin.


MC3, MC4 and MC5 are all debilitating to your day. Don't expect to do anything the day any of these categories come into your life, except cope.



Alright, now that I covered the categories of migraines, I thought I might add some things over the years that have been known to cause migraines for myself. These aren't the same for everyone, but if you suffer from migraines and you are not sure what is causing them, maybe you should check out what you are eating or your surroundings.



Here's my trigger list:
Aged cheddar
Lunch meat
Soy foods
Hot dogs-or any food that contains nitrates
Some citrus foods
Chocolate
Excessive amounts of caffeine (This is because caffeine dehydrates you)
Wine
Secondhand smoke
Some cigars
Strong perfume
Flashing lights
Too much direct sunlight (Yes, this one sucks. I really enjoy the sun)
Dehydration
And STRESS. Just FYI, stress is listed as the number one cause of migraines. Although I believe dehydration is.




Here is a list of other triggers known to the migraine world, but none of these seem to bother me.
Nuts
Avocados
Alcohol (except wine effects me)
Citrus juice (weirdly I can drink small amounts of juice, but not eat very much citrus)
Marinated, pickled or fermented food
Peanut butter
Sourdough bread
Broad beans, Lima beans
Figs
Raisins
Papaya
Sour cream
Bacon
Menstrual cycle



Disclaimer: I am not a doctor. This is strictly my opinion and information I have gathered on my own migraines. Do not replace your own physicians advice with any of my experiences. Seek professional help.



Adios Muchachas,

Mel